ROMANCING MOSQUITOES: THE INDIAN WAY

The writer is an amateur blogger. While the writer’s close aides (which only include his wife & 1.5 year old kid) celebrate his writing, his friends get infuriated for calling him a ‘writer’. One of the writer’s biggest contributions is the evolution of the phrase ‘bathroom writer’ (meaning in close proximity to ‘bathroom singer’). Through this blog ‘Romancing Mosquitoes, the Indian way’ the writer drives away the point of how the Indian system, people, to be precise, get induced by innumerable ‘groups’, who despite political will, act like termites in depriving the basic standard of living to this society.

As forced upon every writer in this democracy, this blog also has its usual disclaimer that, this in no 
way harms or disrespects any human.

Dedicated to those mosquitoes which pricked me yesterday. If not for those mosquitoes, I might not have written this.

When the campaigns for the local body election started heating up, the contestants were geared up with promises each running into several pages. Few of them still believed in the time tested ‘free’ clothing scheme, but people have become rich enough to take care of their clothing need from “Saravana stores”. Election promises were typically no-brainers and neither the contestant nor the people really care about the feasibility of delivering such promises. Most of us love fantasy, after all this is the ‘Land of Rajnikanth’.

Finally, here was the man who quenched this thirst. He brought them to the edge. Heads turned, Jaws dropped, and hands went up in the air. People removed their dhotis and waved which was a symbol of extreme joy!!! It was at this moment, he knew for sure that he has hit the bull’s eye. It was one of the real, common and perennial problems many middle & lower class people were facing. The man did not even think for a while that delivering this promise was actually going to be a mammoth task. He was distinguished and renowned overnight in the locality as “Kosukolli Kangeyan”. (In simple translation, it means ‘mosquito killer’ kangeyan. The word Kangeyan denotes ‘bull’ which symbolizes manliness). The promise he gave was to ‘abolish mosquitoes’ in the area!

A month later….. ‘Kosukolli Kangeyan’ is now the area’s ward member. It was time to deliver his promise. He called the local ward council meeting. From his ward fund allocation, he ordered massive ‘fogging’ operation. This fogging operation was so intense, so much so, through the satellite images of NASA, US could have even shot an email to India about India hiding a weapon of mass destruction in its southern province. Along with fogging operations, the ward counselor even distributed free ‘All Out’ and ‘Odomos’ creams. Having sacrificed his studies at the age of 10, this free ‘All Out’ scheme itself was path breaking as per Indian political standards & lauded by his party men as visionary.  All these efforts, though temporary, started showing quick results and as a result, the population of man- biting mosquitoes came down drastically.

But our ‘Kangeyan’ did not anticipate problems coming from a different way. The local area ‘Green panel’ division sued him. Reason, ‘Mass destruction of mosquitoes’ could lead to huge ecological imbalance as there would not be any prey for mosquito predators. Also, thousands of plant species would lose a group of pollinators. They organized mass camps and distributed ‘mosquito badges ‘and pamphlets to people about the possibility of another ‘Tsunami’. Soon, a group of NGOs, from HNIs and NRIs living in the US started funding these initiatives and they marched on the shores of “Coromandal” with billboards saying ‘Kill Kosukolli; We love mosquitoes’. People even started tattooing mosquitoes. With beautiful gals all dressed up in chic T shirts and skinny jeans, parking their BMWs & joining this march, the media too opened their slot for this stupendous cause to raise their TRPs. This is the same panel which stopped the ‘Elevated expressway’ project citing ecological imbalance. These panel refuse to accept that this world’s greatest metropolises are ‘port cities’ having their biggest physical infrastructure only along the coastlines. This is the same group which stopped another ‘road project’ since it affected the free flow of a river called ‘Cooum’. Anyone native of this place know, what river ‘Cooum’ symbolize.

Our man who has politics running in his DNA know very well that all these glitz and glamour of these green panel would die once the ad agencies stop sponsoring to these media(s). But the problem took a different twist. The opposition party which till sometime was keeping silence started brainwashing the fishermen community which is the biggest vote bank in the area. They brought in a name called Mr. John Addicott, who according to them was  a researcher in University of Calgary in Alberta, Canada. Indians has lot of belief & trust on foreigners, due to the slavery & inferiority feeling injected by our rulers several decades before. That is why all the DPRs, feasibility reports for our government projects also were done by firms like Wilbur Smith, JLL etc as though there is death of talent here. Even real estate companies sell housing units by quoting some tongue twisting names calling them as their ‘principal’ architects.

Now, coming back to John Addicott: The opposition went on with a massive campaign that killing mosquitoes would actually affect the livelihood of thousands of fishermen as it would kill their daily yield of fishes. As per the research, Mosquito larvae makeup substantial biomass in aquatic ecosystem and remain as a great feed for several kinds of fishes. Our political parties knew very well how to use the ignorance of the people. In our democracy, the beneficiaries of government/ scheme never ever gather and voice their views. Whereas, the affected people if they have a strong influential political connections can go any miles to show their strength to give a myth that they outnumber the beneficiaries. In the course, they even influence the policy makers.

Come today: This ward remains the highest producer of mosquito larvae at the same time boasting highest consumerism in ‘All out’ and ‘Odomos’ sales. Our ‘Kosukolli Kangeyam’ though lost his adjective, still survives by distributing free dhotis and sarees. The ‘Men in yellow’ outside the ground, appear in ‘Yellow fever’ awareness programs.

- Hari

MANGO PEOPLE IN BANANA DEMOCRACY:

Note for the readers:

The characters and situations used are imaginative. It is not intended to harm or provoke anyone. Reading this article is at reader’s risk. Neither the so called ‘writer’ nor Microsoft shall be responsible for any dire consequences.

The content is not copyrighted. You can reproduce this in any form in whatever media but do not use any name.

Cigarette smoking is injurious to others health. Be responsible and do not create nuisance. Your democracy ends at other’s nose. 

Thanks to: Anu, Ishara, my friends, YOU, Microsoft and Indian democracy

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PROLOGUE:

Finally, after fighting out few missiles when I was about to breath sign of relief, 2 cops ran towards my car from one corner of the road asking me to stop. The last time I saw cops running like this, was during 26/11 attack, when the terrorists took the car post their attack on Mumbai CST. I salute such heroic act but….why did they do that to me?   L...........

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It was already late to office. I never anticipated that the government would suddenly wake up one day to dig the entire street for the storm water drainage which was approved 2 years back. Negotiating all those 90 degrees curves, greeted by the cows & dogs on the road, honked by the fellow ‘frustrates’ (I mean my companion on the road that day) it took good 15 minutes to reach the main road which was indeed frustrating. It was’ nt easy after that either. A well known God’s spokesperson visited the neighborhood and people from nearby hamlets thronged to see him. The venue chosen was a roadside temple so that the spillover crowd could use the tarmac highway to wash their sins. May be due to recession and consequent retrenchment, the government citing shortage of police, deployed only two constables who were spinning their ‘lathi’ in the air as if it was a magical wand that can help them to manage the crowd in the peak hour traffic. There was car- people conflict with some people keeping their tongue out, looking at the car drivers so ferociously. Little do they realize that the ‘sacred’ place they chose for their ritual was meant for some other purpose! Driving the car we buy with our hard earned money (many times borrowed money) is like running on the battle field. The missiles can come in any form. Sometimes it takes the form of a motorist who wish to perform all his daredevil acts on public road; Sometimes as jay walkers who jump over the median and walk on the middle of the road like buffaloes gazing on the field; Sometimes as radio cabs who come closer to you and threaten to dash you if you don’t give sides.

Finally, after fighting out few missiles when I was about to breath sign of relief, 2 cops ran towards my car from one corner of the road asking me to stop. The last time I saw cops running like this, was during 26/11 attack, when the terrorists took the car post their attack on Mumbai CST. I salute such heroic act but….why did they do that to me? That too, when the vehicles were making beeline before signal and every driver turned environmentalists murmuring ‘Go Green’!

‘Hey it’s tinted glasses. It’s contempt of court. (Cauvery verdict and hanging Afsal Guru are minor cases of contempt, I suppose) Pay Rs. 300 or you will be produced in the court’. The angry traffic cop pronounced. ‘It was not complete tinted glass. It has 60% visibility. You can check that’. The traffic cop became furious and started arguing. After some 5 minutes of argument, we reached for the ‘out of court’ settlement and I got 50% discount on the penalty without receipt. The cops were also happy and must be thanking the judiciary. When it comes to strict implementation of laws on small time offenders, our cops stand next to none.  

When I was going in the multi level park ramps, my mind was thinking about the misplaced priorities of the government. A procession was granted without adequate protection that too on peak hours. Cops were asked to manage the ever increasing traffic without any long sighted vision from the government and planners to improve public transportation. All that the cop can do is to increase the ‘waiting time’ in the signal and create new ‘one ways’.  Road accidents take more life than terror attacks in India. The working middle class who are responsible for the huge upswing of India’s economy spends significant, precious amount of time on roads, but finding the solution for the urban chaos is never the government’s priority. This is not as big as border issue, water dispute and Telegana which cannot be solved.

On the other hand, the citizens of India, has misplaced tolerance limits. They tolerate everything and anything that affects their daily life like grass root corruption in public services, poor physical infrastructure, bad civic amenities but never tolerate even a slightest provocation on their religious/communal quotients, even if it is well within the definition of ‘freedom of expression’. The British Raj introduced ‘divide and rule’ and we are still divided and ruled. Atleast those days, the rulers were intelligent, educated and little sensible. It’s this, misplaced tolerance of the ‘common’ man aka middle class, the politicians use for their advantage. They swindle the money meant for development and come to our streets to distribute ‘biryanis’; They call the country as ‘secular’ but never ever allow the country to become truly liberal and secular sans religion. India with its division, caste based reservation system, reserved constituencies is what they want. That’s the definition of ‘secularism’.

I reached my work station and the headlines evoked my curiosity. It read, “Suggestion to decongest choked cities; introduce congestion tax”. The biggest copycats are our babus and netas who simply copy laws from the west without bothering to do any ground work. Take for instance, London. (From where this concept of congestion tax is copied, I guess). The first metro network in London was commissioned in 1863. 100 years later London government proposed congestion tax to decongest ‘central London’ the CBD area of Greater London. Post several debates and protests, it was finally introduced only in early 2000. This means, after putting in place an efficient public transportation system like metro and improving the ‘last mile connectivity’ the Britain government introduced the congestion tax to dissuade private vehicles from roads. As against this, the first metro in India was introduced in Delhi only in 2002 and still there are many black spots in the city which was not covered by metro. Cities like Chennai are yet to see metro and some confused bureaucrats still keep arguing which public transportation (Metro or Mono) is best suitable for Indian cities. Whether it was the old dynasty rule by our kings or the present ‘modern’ (?)  dynasty rule in the name of democracy, Indians always pioneer in discovering new form of taxes and go on with the tradition of ‘minting spree’, the hard earned money of the common man. Anyways, we have income tax, service tax, wealth tax, education tax, health tax, road tax, property tax, excise duty, customs duty, state level sales tax, central level sales tax and other whole list of holistic hidden taxes. These congestion taxes are never going to deter our enthusiasm for holding candles and protesting near India gate, the only thing which we could do for holding the Indian passport!!!! Happy republic day guys!!!

- Hari

The Day that wasn’t: The day café coffee day arrived

Bangalore/Chennai: Upro, one of India’s largest IT service provider has announced the launch of the ‘coffee vending machine’ in all its pantries, starting today. Speaking on this occasion, the Chief administrator oppicer Mr. PRK said, “We are very happy and pleased to announce the coffee vending machines in all our pantries. This shows Upro’s aggressiveness and commitment to pro-employee policies which establishes Upro as market leader and one of the greatest innovators in present times”. When quizzed about the rumors that these machines were delivered to Upro free of cost, Mr. PRK said, “We will not comment on market speculations”. Mr. VRao, country head, Coffee day pantry services, reached the dais holding the plastic cup filled with the coffee & said, “It’s a proud moment for us. We are here for a long term strategic relationship with Upro.” When talking about the non linear growth of Coffee day he said, “We have a great growth potential. Since the employee of Upro slog for more hours in office the growth of our coffee sales is not linear to the employee growth in Upro”. Mr. Madhu, Upro’s Chief employee procurement and maintenance oppicer said, “The presence of coffee vending machine has already started showing the results. The morale levels of our employees has already grown by 50 to 75 basis points when compared to last quarter, thus giving us a 0.25% sequential growth. These results are available in the website of Gartner, the country’s largest paid survey company”.

Bring your own Coffee seeds:
Mr. PRK unveiled the new policy known as ‘Bring your own coffee seeds’. On a medium to long term perspective, the macroeconomic levels in EU is bright and hence the employee will be able to afford to bring their own coffee seeds.

One of the employee of Upro, on condition of anonymity said that these machines were given to Upro on DBOT basis (Design, build, operate & transfer). He further complained that the milk has been procured at throw away prices due to change in the pattern of discretionary spending by the customer in developed markets and hence these gives a distinct stint. The top management of Upro is not reachable for the comments
Source: Reuters/Bloomberg/TOI/ET/The Hindu/Vijay Karnataka/Dinakaran/EEnadu/Unnadu

Old Mahabalipuram Road (IT Corridor) Born 2001; Died 2011;

A letter to the honorable Chief Minister

Dear Madam,
As an IT employee and a responsible citizen I would like to bring the condition of the ‘IT corridor’ (OMR or Rajiv Gandhi Salai) to your kind attention. Your announcement about the phase 2 of IT corridor between Siruseri and Mahabalipuram has brought in lot of cheers but little was the realization that the phase 1 of this road is still far from over. This road though conceived in 2001 was completely only in 2008 post several cost revisions and escalations. But 3 years after the inauguration of the main carriageway the service lane under the phase 1 is still not complete. The problems due to non completion of service lane are as follows:

1. Due to non completion of service lanes, the 3rd lane on either side of this road is occupied by vehicles for parking. This leaves just 2 lanes on either side & this affects the free flow of traffic.



2. There are no pedestrian paths and no there are no bus stops/bays. Commuters have to stand on the road under the sun and when it rains it becomes all the more difficult.



3. Due to non availability of storm water drainage along the service lanes, there are water logging problems. There was heavy flooding in Semmencherry just outside the Tata Consultancy office (TCS) and Thoraipakkam areas due to recent heavy showers.



4. Vehicles wanting to use service lanes use main carriage way and come in opposite direction.


5. The IT companies on this road employ around 1.25 lac employees however these companies depends upon water tanker lorries to meet the daily drinking water requirement. In the year 2010 when tanker lorries stopped supplying water for some time, few companies even shuttered their doors and evoked DRP (Disaster recovery plan). The then Deputy Chief minister Mr. Stalin promised to complete the metro water pipeline along the service lane by December 2010 but there was literally no progress after that.
   
   There seems to be no co-ordination between metro water, CWSSB, TNRDC and the local panchayats for completion of service lanes as they keep blaming each other for the delay in construction. TNRDC cancelled the contractor few times in the past citing design faults but every time the new contractor comes, there is no change in the speed of execution.
   

Apart from the issues concerning service lanes, there are other problems plaguing IT corridor which needs your immediate attention:
1. Cattles day out: Cows, buffaloes, goats and dogs has a free run in the IT corridor. These animals sleep, gaze on this road, sometimes jump over the median. If unchecked, a disaster is sure waiting to happen. The stretch between Sholinganallur and Siruseri is the most vulnerable.
2. IT corridor touches lot of village panchayats. The road is not properly cleaned and there are large amount of garbage lying around, along this road. The heaps of garbage on the one of the most prestigious road not only create a health hazard but also create a third world look among the investor community.
3. The five flyovers/grade separators announced in the assembly never took off. It takes nearly 20 minutes to cross the Sholinganallur junction during peak hours. Similar is the case in Tidel park junction, MGR salai junction etc. It’s all the more surprising to note about the non inclusion of this corridor in the monorail & metro rail plan.
4. The interior roads branching out of OMR/IT corridor is in very bad shape. Formation of IT corridor ensured horizontal growth but these developments were not supported or backed up by proportionate infrastructure development in the suburbs. When Chennai city got expanded the places beyond Semmencherry like Navalur, Siruseri, Padur were not included in the city limit surprisingly.
5. There is no clear lane marking on the carriage way & there is no lane discipline followed. More policing and better traffic monitoring will ensure people follow lane discipline and don’t jump signal.

I have great respect and trust on your government and your administrative style. Since this road is your brain child, I believe some action will be taken on war footing basis. Tamilnadu do not require any more IT policy as it has already established itself in the IT industry. The completion of this corridor and proper maintenance will influence the investor fraternity and this road can act catalyst for all future developments. Our government’s commitment to physical infrastructure will automatically ensure all around development.

My City, My woes

Filter coffee & Unfiltered Marghazi Raagam, Raucous Yellow auto & eco savvy Temple cars, teeming Ranganathan street & Sumptuous express avenue , Lungi clad roadside Romeos & Waist tapping laptop techies, Bharatanatiyam & Duppakuthu Vathiyam, Saravana Bhavan & Kaiendhi bhavan, Marina beach & Larger than life Rajnikanth’s reach, green medians & Kollywood comedians ,wall murals & roadside urinals , River Cooum & its queasiness aroma, white & white dark complexioned politicians, Satyam cinemas, Mount road and last but not the least Captain Dhoni’s super kings. Well, im talking about things that are synonyms of Chennai, my home town. Chennai is India’s fourth largest metro, third best city to live, 9th city in world’s top 10 investment destination and second most competitive city in India. These are facts that a Chief Minister or Mayor or bureaucrat can boast of. As a normal resident of this city, there are the things that I would really look forward for a change:

The Graffiti and poster menace: The cheapest and easiest form of advertising is here to stay despite the official ban. If your house is on a busy street or main road, you don’t need to paint your wall. Even if you do, it will eventually become the ruling party’s manifesto depicting their leaders face like lion, beer, buffalo etc. This craziness can be best appreciated when you see important signage or sign boards in city eaten up by these posters. The Adult movie posters on temples, funeral or death notice on the hospital compound walls are just a tip of the iceberg.
Dual identity: Chennai is a city which can even confuse a navigator or google earth or some of mankind’s best innovation in navigation space. All major roads carry an English name & a Tamil name. Instance, Mount road is also known as Anna salai. Mt Poonamalle road is also known as EVR Periyar Salai. There is more than one MGR road in the city. Similarly there are multiple roads named after Mahatma Gandhi. When Ms. Jayalalitha comes to power, Kalaignar nagar is abbreviated to ‘KK Nagar’. When Mr. Karunanidhi is in power, the original name (ie Kalaignar nagar) is restored.
Even houses have 2 door numbers. Each house has an old number and a new number. It’s easier to find a house using a landmark than finding it using the door number.

A true democracy: In a democratic country like India, everyone has right to live. Mosquitoes, Rats and Olive Ridley Turtles are inhabitants for ages ever since Chennai (then Madras) was formed. The Cooum river which is Asia’s biggest (perhaps World’s biggest) open drainage runs across the city and provides a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes and rats. Whenever the politicians feel the pinch of inflation, they start the Cooum river cleaning project to fill their wallets. As long as the sludge in our political system remains, river Cooum will never be clean and green.
The Olive Ridley Turtle is something unique to Chennai. Recently some of the activists and fishermen halted a beachside elevated road project as they claimed it would endanger Olive Ridley Turtles. Not sure whether their environmental impact report also considered the fuel wastage & pollution caused by the vehicles struck up in traffic. The fishermen, who kill fishes to make their living, acting as if they are fish’s natural predators, also opposed this elevated project which was finally shelved by the government.

The big social divide: While it is exciting to see huge commercial complexes and skyscrapers dotting the city’s landscape it is equally important that the growth is inclusive and takes into account the local community along the growth corridors as well. Else the roads like OMR, GST will see huge slums (like Mumbai’s Dharavi) in the years to come. A drunken man urinating before a IT company, men chasing buffalos under hot sun in the middle of IT corridor, an aged person picking up plastic covers from the garbage bins establishes these well known hard truth.

Chennai lack those lakes: When it rains, the city roads become more viable for water transportation. For a second, you would think you were in Alleppey. This rain water gets polluted and drained to sea. Using the desalination plant the sea water is converted back to drinking water. While the government made rain water harvesting mandatory for all buildings, the planners failed to notice the natural rain water harvesters, which are our lakes, being neglected & converted to housing units. The present day Nungambakkam and T.Nagar areas were once lakes. My office stands on a place which was once part of the Pallikaranai Marshland.

The Auto menace: One of my north Indian friends visited Chennai. Stepping out from the Central railway station he approached an auto and asked him ‘Can you please take me for a ride?’ He realized that the auto guy really took him for a ride when he demanded 200 rs for an 8 km ride. The auto guy’s tradition of fleecing the passengers’ dates back to Stone Age and they never change. If Chennai is called Gateway of South India, this looting starts right at the gate. Does this say ‘Get-away of South India?’

Planners day out: Chennai started growing only after British established the East India company here. The present “Beach to Tambaram” EMU rail line which is Chennai’s lifeline was planned and constructed by British. When it was inaugurated in 1931 it was considered too futuristic. The British determined how the city should grow and the city exactly grew along this corridor. Today, after 76 years when we are implementing the Metro, the city has already grown by leaps and bounds & this is being laid through the most congested localities of Chennai. Planning is always a thing of past in Chennai.

And, Chennaites: There are active and passive citizens of Chennai. The actives are ones who gets their hands dirty and raise themselves against these civic, social & environmental issues. Perhaps the reason they are called as Activists. The passive are ones who don’t bother to care for their city or restrict themselves to blogs. They can be called egotistic. Unfortunately 99% of Chennai’s population falls under the second category!!!

- Hari

Walking thro: Life with Anu

After 5 days of meticulous planning, it happens every weekend. If we work upon one thing, another problem crops up. Oh my God, is my life going to be like this throughout? This weekend, we fought badly on who should clean the wardrobe? It was her wardrobe and she could have maintained it well. Why did she put her trousers in the Saree holder? The moment I started cleaning, I started unearthing useless treasures. What is the use of keeping the wrapper of chocolate I gifted 4 years ago, when there was no sweetness now? I stepped out and got into my car. I ignited the engine & turned off my mobile. I drove like crazy through the roads of Chennai. The car went through the Nungambakkam high road, R.K. Salai. Our CA institute is located in Nungambakkam high road. When I crossed ‘Café Coffee Day’ in Isphahani centre, ‘Sridhar & Santhanam office’ (where I did my CA articleship) my mind started recollecting the old memories. Like it happens in most of the Tamil movies, the images before me blurred, helping my mind to walk thro’ the past.

The first decade of my life went without making any mark as I hardly remember my childhood days. The second decade was flat with not much of happenings, I was neither bright nor a back bencher. The end of second decade or the earlier 20s was similar to a roller coaster ride with excitement lasting only for a nano second while boredom lasted more than the time I asked for. I was away from my parents and had to take care myself. This sudden independence hit me hard and I struggled to overcome the emotions. Studies were no longer a cake walk and Peer pressure only led to blood pressure. I failed in my professional degree and diagnosed with severe kidney infection in the year 2004. I did not want to wander around this planet as a loser & questions about the reason of my existence was heard within. The future looked bleak as I was confident that things would only get worse.

It was at this time, I met a gal in the office where I did my CA articleship. It was August 2004 but believe me I forgot the exact date of re-birth. She joined our office as an article clerk. It was my ‘Crush at first site’. I went around my office to take some water or carry loads of file in an effort to get the glimpse of her beauty but she was deeply engrossed in ‘Sherlock Homes’. As a teenager I dreamt of a gal who could look modern at the same time traditional. She perfectly fitted the bill. I did not want to get the impression as ‘flirt’ in my first meeting itself which really held me back from proceeding further.

All article clerks stationed in Chennai for audits should attend the Saturday class in our CA firm, but the real reason for many was to meet & greet our fellow colleagues. These Saturday classes acted as a perfect stage for introducing the new joinees & in one such class I was introduced to this gal. ‘Hi. My Name is Anusha, what’s yours?’ was the question from her. I did not forget my name but took time to respond as my mind concatenated both our names. There were some arms length dialogues but soon we dispersed. My friends started realizing the sudden change in my behavior as I became a regular attendee for these Saturday classes. My eyes even glued to some of the all time ‘Mokkai’ romantic scenes in the Tamil movies.

Months rolled, vehicles went for service and I grew in size, thanks to all those ‘OC Saapadu’ provided by the clients. But nothing progressed on Anusha’s side except for the meetings during Saturday classes. The one major problem with Anusha is that she gets friends in seconds and before you realize that she starts talking about things showing decades of familiarity. During this time, I also noticed another junior article clerk becoming more and more close to her. Their private chats near our office staircase, exchange of foods, pleasantries made me fuming. There were times when we had ‘one on one’ but several such meetings went without making any impact or impression.

I had a friend in my articleship firm whom we call as ‘Gossip Galore’. He is a creator and disseminator of gossips. The funny part is that he extracts information from people as a trustworthy friend but duly pass on that information to others with a ‘confidentiality’ tag. People throng him for the latest gossips so was I. I came to know a lot of ‘not so good’ things about Anusha’s friend, some of them might not be true also. It seemed that he commented about Anusha’s duck walk style, flirting nature, immaturity etc but it deeply affected me. I was not bad enough to let Anusha know about these as I did not want to take the shortest and cheapest route to woo her.

This is when I got a chance to meet her in our head office in R.K. Salai. I was working on an audit report and she came to hand over her audit files. Resting those butterflies in my abdomen, I began the conversation. This conversation starting from Reception, extended to the lobby, staircase and finally till the parking lot. From work related issues, the conversation slowly went onto discuss about friends and in this course I learnt that Anusha was really sad about her friend distancing him from her with an indifference behavior. I should say that it was not a well planned conversation but something forced me to tell about all those gossips & comments which I heard about her through my friend. Thinking myself as a caretaker, I was gracious enough to shower her with my advices. I asked Anusha to be careful with such “wrong (?)” friendships, driving a point that I can be a trustworthy friend. Anusha was certainly impressed and with a twinkle in her eyes she acknowledged my advices. When she moved her vehicle from the parking lot I was sure that she was moved. This meeting was a milestone in our relationship. I was elevated as her ‘Best Friend’ from just being a ‘friend’ (which she had in dozens).

We started losing our self in each other’s company. The free SMSs for the day were exhausted within hours. Since I was senior to her, I made sure that I help in her office work. The best friend category is the most confusing relationship category as it falls between ‘Friend’ and ‘Love’. She called me one day to her client office which was in Spencer Plaza and gave her diary. I went to her house once to give my company law notes and she introduced me to her mom. She used to make surprise visits to my client office to meet me. We used to talk about office, CA exams/test papers, family, food, dress etc but we never fail to suffix one word in all our messages. Our messages used to end with a bolded word ‘Friend’, may be an effort to fence ourselves. For me who took the relationship till this level, the reality suddenly started to hurt. I was still doing my CA final, having a huge responsibility to take care of my family which includes my physically challenged sister. My family is a Brahmin Iyer family and is very conservative. Love marriages are a big NO and I always had a ‘Dad-phobia’.

I was neither able to break this relationship nor wanted to continue. I used to take pledge on each morning not to message Anusha and those promises were found broken on the very next moment I get a message from her.

My Vizag trip was the next milestone in our relationship. Some say ‘Distance connects people’. It happened in my life too. I was asked to go to ‘Taj Vizagapatnam’ for an internal audit. I have been to this place earlier during my first year articleship with Praveena (whom I regard as my mentor) and I just loved the experience. This time, when I was asked to go, I was not enthralled, the one and only reason being Anusha. I told her not to message me as I had to incur huge roaming charges. She did not appreciate it but since I had to pay for my mobile bills from my stipend money of Rs. 675 per month, she had to agree to my request. I left Chennai with a heavy heart and a swollen throat. One day, Anusha had an accident. When she was returning from her client office, she fell into an open drainage. Her left leg got struck and she was pulled from it by the bystanders. I was apprehensive for the whole day and was getting hour by hour update from her. Several years later, when Anusha told me that this particular incident and my gesture made a huge impact, all I could do was to thank the Chennai corporation drainage workers. :)

This was December 2005, ie 5 months of our relationship as “best friends”. Meeting Anusha in the morning and evening was my regular routine. This apart, we use to meet each other in our client offices. I bought a new two wheeler. I discovered the world with Anusha in my ‘Discover’ bike. From Nungambakkam to Villivakkam, from Marina to Elliotts, with her I felt the distance has shrunk. The ‘Café Coffee Day’ in Ispahani Centre used to be the famous hangout in Chennai those times. She was little hesitant when I called her for a coffee but finally accepted it after minutes of persuasion. She followed me in her scooter and I was showing all those road signs I learnt in my driving school to impress her with my road sense. In the coffee shop, she clicked me in her mobile cam to check the camera clarity but I understood the real intention. Even today when I see the ‘Café Nirvana’ in the CCD menu, I recollect those old good times.

We both realized that we were not just ‘friends’. Starring at her constantly, holding her hand, touching her feet, tell me in which planet a ‘best friend’ would do? Proposing to her was the natural progression & it happened on midnight of 24th December 2005. These were the messages:
Anusha: Where are we leading to?
Me: I did not understand your question
Anusha: Where are we leading to??
Me: You know, Harish Bhattad asked me if we are in love
Anusha: What did you respond?
Me: I did not respond
Anusha: What will you respond if I ask you this?
Anusha: Hello??
Me: To some extent, YES
After this, there was no response from her for an hour. She (Bluddi women!!) told me months later that she was checking it with Veena (her best friend) on what to respond. She asked me to meet her in ‘Hot Breads’ the next day afternoon. She did not say ‘yes’ and did not say ‘No’. But these are all enough hints that she is in love. I celebrated it yet took several efforts to make her to say that explicitly.

Over to Aug 2011: There was a huge gathering near Gandhi statue in Marina. People were holding the flag and protesting for the government proposed Lokpal bill. Their slogans woke me up mentally, from the deep slumber. Is that Anu in a white dress standing near the light house, messaging someone? She must be messaging me as im really late today. No, no that’s not possible. She is at my home. I fought with her and came here. I switched off my mobile too, how rude?! She must be really upset. I switched on my mobile.
Anu (that’s how I call her now): Where are we leading to?
Me: I did not understand your question
Anu: Where are we leading to??
Me: You know what, I asked myself today if we are in love still
Anu: So what’s your answer?
Anu: What will you respond if I ask you this? To some extent YES?
Me: Im crazy about you Anu. It’s been 4.5 of years of life with you. There were several ups and downs. But who said, “Nothing is constant except change”. I took a U turn and no one is stopping me now. Life is in full throttle!!!

- Hari

SIZE ZERO: what not to do for weight reduction?

All work and no play made my friend Srini an obese boy. Coming from a small town in Tamilnad, he was extremely dedicated, thin but well built. An excessive dose of socializing with friends, recently found obsession with junk foods and an ever changing bio from IST to GMT to EST took a toll on his health.

He likes to walk but his wake up time which varies anytime between 6 in the morning and 3 in the evening screws up his schedule. He wants to diet but beyond 9PM there are no diet burgers & pizzas available in the cafeteria. He went to gym but being a couch potato in the treadmill he attracted lot of eyeballs and this enhanced attention kept him away from it. He bought a Sauna Belt for Rs. 2999 after spending 2 hours in an online auction. But the effect of the Sauna belt on his tummy was such that he slept a whole night without switching off the belt & the next day it was charred beyond recognition without burning his calories. He subscribed to a weight reduction program in a slimming clinic burning his pocket. He realized that it was ‘Very Limited Calorie Cut’ clinic only after months of stopover.

The transformation from ‘sexy’ Srini to ‘Sizeable’ Srini affected his morale. His dating schedule went haywire & he was deceived by his gal friends. He was crossing the marriage cut-off date of 28 but his matrimonial page had least number of hits, that too unintentional ones! His concentration was affected which started showing up in his work performance. He started getting anxiety problems and soon a heap of health issues followed. Srini was soon shown the door!!

Welcome to new age life style disease called ‘obesity’. Increase in waist size? Some call it as ‘sign of prosperity’. Actually, it is a sign of ‘short term’ prosperity. Some of the finest form of art lost its importance due to mechanization ever since the Industrial revolution took place in Great Britain. The life style is refined and innovation results in more sophistication. Almost all the physical activities are now replaced by machines. This new found life style will be sustainable only if it is a healthy. There are easy ways for a healthy lifestyle such as workouts, dieting etc but the easiest way is to stay ‘Normal’. Srini walked on the treadmill for one kilometer while he took an ‘auto’ to reach his cab pickup point which is a stone throw away from his home. Srini lived in an air-conditioned apartment usually keeping his room dark watching the television all day but pop in to the ‘oxygen’ parlor twice a week. He put his bicycle in a scrap yard and got a pulsar only to start the cycling again in an AC gym. There is no quick way for weight reduction but there are easier ways to it.

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So what’s Srini doing these days? He runs a consulting company & takes classes about ‘Myths in weight reduction’. The famous enrollment program which made him millionaire today is ‘What NOT to do for weight reduction!’

- Hari